When your teen’s emotions seem intense, unpredictable, and hard to manage, it can feel confusing and overwhelming for both of you. You may notice them reacting strongly to small events, struggling with friendships, or pulling away from family, and you’re left wondering what’s really going on.
For some teens, these patterns could be signs of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a condition that affects how they handle emotions, relationships, and stress. While BPD can be challenging, understanding the signs and knowing how to get help can make a world of difference.
In this post, we’ll explore what BPD is, how it impacts teens, and the steps you can take if you’re concerned about your child. With the proper support and treatment, teens with BPD can learn healthier ways to manage their emotions and navigate life’s challenges.
What is Borderline Personality Disorder?
Borderline personality disorder is one of several personality disorders, which are mental health conditions that affects how a person thinks, feels, and interacts with others. Intense emotions, unstable relationships, and impulsive behaviors characterize it. For teens, BPD can feel like an emotional rollercoaster where small events trigger big reactions, making it hard to navigate daily life or maintain healthy relationships.
BPD is often misunderstood, especially in teenagers, because some of its symptoms (like mood swings or impulsivity) can overlap with typical adolescent behavior. However, for teens with BPD, these challenges are much more extreme, persistent, and disruptive to their lives. Early recognition and treatment are key to helping teens manage symptoms and build healthier coping skills.
When Does BPD Start to Develop?
BPD symptoms often begin to appear during adolescence, typically between the ages of 14 and 18, when teens are going through significant emotional, physical, and social changes. This is a critical developmental period when the brain matures and teens figure out their identity, relationships, and place in the world.
What Are the Signs of BPD in Teens?
Some moodiness or emotional ups and downs are expected during the teen years. Traits of borderline personality disorder, however, cause patterns of intense emotions and behaviors that don’t improve over time and often interfere with daily life.
BPD can present differently in each teen, but there are common signs parents and caregivers can watch for:
Intense Emotions and Mood Swings
Teens with BPD experience intense emotions that can shift rapidly. They may go from feeling happy to overwhelmed, angry, or sad within minutes, often in response to small triggers. For example, an offhand comment from a friend or a minor disappointment, like a canceled plan, might lead to a tearful outburst or sudden rage.
These mood swings can make it hard for teens to process their feelings or respond healthily. While mood changes are common in adolescence, BPD-related emotions are more extreme and last longer, leaving teens feeling emotionally exhausted.
Fear of Abandonment
A deep fear of being abandoned or rejected is one of the most defining traits of BPD. Teens may become highly anxious when they feel someone is pulling away, whether it’s a friend canceling plans or a parent being unavailable. This fear can lead to clingy behaviors, excessive reassurance-seeking, or emotional outbursts when they think they’re being ignored.
For instance, a teen might bombard a friend with messages if they don’t get a quick response or feel devastated when someone doesn’t invite them to an outing. This fear can cause significant stress and make relationships feel unstable or overwhelming.
Unstable Relationships
Teens with BPD often have intense but unstable relationships with friends, family, or romantic partners. They may idealize someone one moment, then quickly shift to anger or resentment if they feel let down or rejected. These extremes can lead to frequent arguments, breakups, and a cycle of forming and losing relationships.
For example, a teen might become very close to a new friend, sharing everything, but after a minor disagreement, they may suddenly cut that person off, claiming they “can’t be trusted.” This pattern of black-and-white thinking, where people are seen as either “all good” or “all bad,” can make it hard to build healthy, lasting connections.
Impulsive Behaviors
Teens with BPD often engage in impulsive behaviors as a way to cope with intense emotions or feelings of emptiness. These behaviors are usually risky and done without thinking about the consequences. Examples include reckless spending, binge eating, substance use, unsafe sex, or skipping school.
For instance, a teen who feels upset after an argument might impulsively shop online to feel better, only to regret it later. While impulsive actions are common in adolescence, BPD-related impulsivity tends to be more frequent, intense, and self-destructive.
Self-Harm and Suicidal Ideation
One of the most serious signs of BPD in teens is self-harm or suicidal thoughts. Teens with BPD may hurt themselves, such as cutting, burning, or hitting, as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions, numbness, or feelings of worthlessness. Self-harm is often not about seeking attention but about finding a release for internal pain.
Suicidal thoughts or attempts can also occur, especially when teens feel abandoned, misunderstood, or hopeless. If your teen is showing signs of self-harm or expressing suicidal thoughts, it’s crucial to seek professional help immediately. Early intervention can provide the tools and support they need to manage their emotions in safer, healthier ways.
What to Do if You Suspect Your Teen Has BPD
Know That BPD is Normal
First, if you feel anxious or upset that your teen may have borderline personality disorder, it’s important to reduce the stigma. Keep in mind:
- Many people live with BPD, and it’s not as rare as it might seem.
- It’s no one’s “fault,” BPD develops due to a mix of biological, environmental, and social factors.
- BPD doesn’t define your teen, they still have their own strengths, talents, and personality.
- They will feel more understood because there’s a name for what they’ve been experiencing.
- BPD comes with strengths, too, like deep empathy, creativity, and a strong drive for connection.
Educate Yourself and Your Teen
The first step is to learn as much as you can about BPD: what it is, how it affects teens, and what treatment options are available. Understanding the condition can help you recognize your teen’s behavior as a symptom of something deeper rather than just “typical teenage moodiness” or rebellion. It also gives you tools to respond with patience, empathy, and support.
Share what you’ve learned with your teen in an age-appropriate way. Many teens with BPD feel misunderstood or ashamed of their struggles, so explaining that their intense emotions and actions have a real cause can be validating. Let them know that BPD is treatable and that you’re committed to helping them feel better.
For example, you might say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been having a really tough time lately, and I think there might be a reason behind it. I’ve learned about something called BPD, and a lot of what you’re experiencing makes sense. You’re not alone, and we can work on this together.” This approach helps reduce stigma and shows your teen you’re on their team.
Seek Professional Help for Treatment
If you suspect your teen has BPD, connecting with a mental health professional is the most crucial step. A licensed therapist or psychiatrist can evaluate your teen’s symptoms, provide a diagnosis, and recommend a treatment plan tailored to their needs. Early intervention can give your teen the tools to manage their emotions, build healthier relationships, and develop coping strategies that set them up for long-term success. If you’re unsure where to start, reach out to your family doctor, school counselor, or a local mental health clinic for referrals.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
Treatment for BPD often involves therapy, with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) being one of the most effective approaches. DBT helps teens learn emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and improving interpersonal relationships. Therapy gives teens a safe space to explore their emotions and behaviors while receiving guidance from a trained professional.
Family Involvement
It’s also important to involve your family in the process. Family therapy or support groups can help you better understand what your teen is going through and teach you how to respond in ways that support their recovery. For example, you might learn how to validate their feelings while gently setting boundaries, or how to communicate with your teen in ways that don’t escalate emotional conflicts.
Get Your Teen the Support They Need
If your teen is struggling with intense emotions, impulsive behaviors, or unstable relationships, professional help can make a real difference. At Nampa Imagine, our teen personality disorder treatments and therapies provide them with the tools they need to manage BPD symptoms. Your teen will flourish with proper support and guidance, growing into a healthy and happy young adult.
Contact us today to learn more about our therapy programs and how we can support your teen on their path to a healthier, more balanced life.
